Better

Hey everyone...

Thanks for the calls, e-mails, comments, well wishes over the past couple of days. I must admit, I was very upset when I wrote my last blog entry. Things always look better in the morning though and I am feeling much more upbeat than I was a couple of days ago. I do not have any plans to take the next exit off the freeway of life or anything. Promise.

O got a new place closer to his work this week, but didn't really tell me until he was starting to stay there. (Sample conversation O "Well I'm going to my house tonight." (Long pause) Me "Uh, don't you live here?" O "Oh no, I moved." Funny, I hadn't noticed because everything you own is still here in our apartment. When pressed on this, his response was, "Well, I told you I was moving." Yeah, in a "I'm going to get a place closer to work soon..." kind of way, not an "I don't live here anymore." kind of way.) It was very unexpected and it threw me for a loop.

I still adore O, but there is no doubt that we have been growing apart as of late. Europe definitely accentuated some of our differences and we both learned a lot about each other on the trip. Our relationship has been punctuated by awkward conversations and silence in the past few weeks and the realization that perhaps we didn't know each other as well as we thought. We have communication issues and instead of discussing things with me face to face, O sends me an e-mail or a text message which I abhor. There's something wrong when you can't discuss something with your partner face to face, but you can express it in an e-mail. That's my take.

Even though I understand his reasons for moving (reducing his commute from over 3 hours a day total to about 30 minutes), the circumstances under which he did left me feeling sad and unwanted, as if I had failed our relationship somehow. It's one of those situations where logic and love are at complete opposite ends of the spectrum. Grr... Life is such a bitch sometimes.

The other thing that is adding to my melancholiness is the type of work I am in. A good friend of mine recently called up and mentioned she was thinking of moving to the town where I work. She was asking what I thought of it and I answered truthfully, "I am the wrong person to ask because everything I hear about this town involves crime, violence, and bad news." I'm sure for 98 percent of the residents of the town, life is good to great. Why else would they live there? For me, it's a totally different picture. I speak to the 2 percent that are abused, drunk, high, assaulted, robbed, injured, in crisis, etc. It can definitely take a toll if you don't have a good perspective on things and/or a good sense of humor. Lucky for me I'm just cold and heartless. (That's a joke.)

It is Friday, the weekend is here. Have a great one. Cuidate.