Friday the 13th

I have had writer's block as of late. I have started about four different posts, but none of them seem interesting or expressive enough. So I am forewarning you, this post will be kind of a weird combination of observations. I have been an observer more lately than a participant in many ways.

I am headed to Ohio in a couple of weeks for a family reunion on my mother's side of the family. Big, loud, overwhelming...that aptly describes my family. When we all get together, it is chaos. I suppose I prefer smaller gatherings to the larger ones. (I am the youngest of 24 cousins, the majority of whom are married with kids. Add uncles, aunts, and various others, it is a gaggle that shows up to these.) We do this every three years and it is usually a good time. I very much like spending time with my siblings and that is the real reason to attend. My family is spread from Japan to New England, so it is rare we get the opportunity to hang out as a group. Truthfully, I am not thrilled about heading to the Buckeye State for several days. If we could convince the majority of the family to meet in Hawaii or something, I would be much more down for this. But no, we always end up in small back road type hick towns in New York or Ohio. Anyhow, moving on. You will hear much more than you ever wanted to know about Ohio in the coming weeks, fear not.

So I hung out at Peets in the Castro the other day. I am taking an online course through a local community college. The best part about it is you download the lectures into your iPod and listen to them wherever you want. Very cool. So I am sitting down in Peets and taking down notes. Suddenly I get the feeling that someone is staring at me. I look around to find not one, not two, but three different guys give me the stare. There is something about the way gay men cruise. It is like a heat seeking missile. They seem to have some kind of internal sensor. If you show them even the slightest bit of a smile, their targeting system locks onto you and they move in for the kill. Truth be told, nobody was cute at Peets that day. A few older guys and then a couple of guys that were not my type. As I made eye contact though, it struck me that all of the men had a certain look in their eyes. It was the same look that dogs in a pound give you. Dogs in a pound know the scorecard. When you come into the kennel areas, they all jump up and down, bark, paw, sniff, and are doing whatever they can to catch your attention. There is a recognition in any dog's eyes that if they do not get out of there with a person and soon, they will be faced with the other reality. Too many dogs, not enough owners. That was the same look I saw in the men at Peets. It struck a chord with me. San Francisco is one of the most gay friendly cities in the world. There are thousands and thousands of gay men that call SF home. Still gay men tend to be flaky and long term relationships are the exception rather than the rule. As I am recently out of a relationship, this was definitely on my mind. Truth be told, I am independent and I do not know if I am meant to be with one person for the rest of my life. I have had two to three significant relationships in the past eleven years and have kissed a lot of other men in between. As you grow older, you become less willing to compromise and more set in your ways. This is an undeniable fact. The whole boyfriend/partner game is always a struggle for me. When I am with someone, I usually end up wanting a way out. When I am single, my energies become focused on trying to find a partner. Then I get a new guy and the ugly cycle starts again! Probably the worst blow to gay man's self esteem, the girls on Sex and the City all ended up paired up in the end. Com'n, throw us a bone! If you think about this much (and I do...), there are no good examples of older people who made the choice to remain single. Of course, you then move on to what it is about yourself that makes you unable to be successful in a relationship. I would definitely choose to be single versus being in a bad relationship. Still, the hungry eyes from Peets gave me pause. In a few years, will that be me sitting in Peets like a lonely puppy saying, "Pick me! Pick me!"? I hope not.

So I have been casually dating a guy since May, no commitments or anything. He lives in the Castro, works downtown, sweet guy, and we have been enjoying each other's company. I am still feeling the aftershocks of O's departure and I doubt I will be able to get into a serious relationship anytime soon. The healing is still ongoing. Speaking of O, he showed up Pride weekend as only he can do. Last minute notification, change of plans five times, mixed signals, and no radar contact since. Through the grapevine, I have heard that he is dating a friend of a friend in So Cal. Small world. Que sera sera.

Kathy Griffin's show on Bravo has been nothing short of magnificent this season. Set your DVRs if you have not been watching. She is truly one of the funniest people out there right now. Her hosting of the Gay Porn awards in San Francisco was one of her best moments yet. She walks around the Castro before her show and the queens go insane. So so funny. Speaking of D List Bravo celebrities, who do I run into at Daddy's one night last month? Jesse from Workout. He was there with his drunk sister. He is not all that in person. Not sure what he was doing up here.

Finally...We are at the one week count down for Harry Potter Book 7. I should try and reread the first six books this week, but I am busy with work from the online class. I am not going to dress up or anything, but I will be in line next Friday night at midnight waiting to purchase my copy of Book 7. This sounds really geeky, but I am going to say it anyway. Harry Potter books bring the citizens of the world closer together. JK Rowling never predicted when she was poor and a single mother in Scotland that she would go on to become a billionaire, the richest woman in the UK, and the head of such an enormous franchise. All over the world, people know and love this series of books and are anxiously anticipating the finale to this long adventure. In our lifetimes, there will never be another series like it and these books will stand the test of time. Harry Potter books are available in 42 different languages and they are something that people around the world can share in and relate to. Football might be a close second, but people from the United States have little interest or patience for soccer.

Ok everyone. Hope you have a great weekend. Cuidate.